Star Traks: Banshee "The Silence of the Targs" By Brad Dusen Captain Vorezze skipped merrily through the halls of the Banshee with a glass of his morning iced tea in hand. He smiled and nodded at crewmen as they passed by, and they, in turn, gave him a bewildered and confused look as to why he was so happy. Commander Smith rounded the corner as Jad neared the turbolift. "Goooood morning, Commander." The captain said happily as he passed by his chief of security. "Wow, someone's in a good mood this morning." Dan turned and walked alongside Captain Vorezze. "And why shouldn't I be?" Jad asked. "I got a great, restful night's sleep, the replicator made me an unusually good bowl of Frosted Flakes for breakfast and I just finished the last of the crew evaluations last night so I am done with that arduous task until next year." Jad practically danced in circles as he approached the turbolift door. "It's a great day to be alive! Nothing can bring me down right now!" The turbolift doors split apart to reveal Commander Burns standing there. "DAMN!" Jad screamed. "Eh, it was good while it lasted." "Good morning to you too, smiley-pants." Commander Burns said as she consumed a cup of coffee with a peculiar slurping sound. "Any reports from the night shift?" Jad glanced over to the PADD Charlotte was holding as he and Commander Smith entered the turbolift. Charlotte looked at the PADD. "Dr. Lang attempted to call security when her hamster got into a fight with Lieutenant Connelly's cat, Mittens. She stopped after the hamster won." Jad nodded along as he chugged the remainder of the iced tea to fuel his morning activities. "Commander Riley reports that engineering team gamma refuses to go down to deck 24 after one of them thinks he saw a ghost floating by an anti-matter containment pod." "Oh... that was mine." Commander Smith said. "He said he was just going for a walk. See if I trust him again..." "That was it?" Jad snatched the PADD from Charlotte. "Seems overly quiet for this ship." Charlotte shrugged and gargled down some more coffee. "I'm not complaining." The trio stood in a moment of awkward silence, waiting for the turbolift to take them to the bridge. After a minute, Jad asked, "Are we moving?" Charlotte looked over to the indicator light on the cross section of the ship on the rear wall that showed them stationary on deck 8. "Umm... I don't think so." "Did you tell the turbolift where you were going before we got on?" Charlotte paused for a moment. "That might explain why I've been standing here for the last half hour..." "Might also explain why Section 31 Command keeps looking you over during promotion season..." Jad muttered. "BRIDGE!" "Captain's Log, Stardate... hey what's the date? Oh, ok, Stardate: 53502.3: The Banshee is en route to Aztum V, a small planetoid where one of Section 31's foremost teams of research scientists is located. Communication was cut off from the research center several days ago and all attempts to hail the station have failed. The Banshee has been dispatched to check on the station and see what, if anything, has occurred. We're hopeful that the station's problems were minimal, but none of us are expecting to arrive and find happy magic bunnies dancing around a rainbow... 'cause, you know, that would be kind of creepy in a way..." "We're within visual range of Aztum V, Captain." Lt. Cmdr. Vincent DiSanto hunched over his station at tactical. "On screen." Captain Vorezze proceeded to down his third glass of iced tea. The image of the jagged, asteroid-like planet appeared on the main viewer. "Zoom in on the area of the station." Jad got up and went to the replicator to get another glass. The screen magnified on an area near the top of the northern hemisphere where a small saucer shaped complex was attached to the rock with a series of web-like support pylons. "Life signs?" "We can't tell, the planet emits too much radiation for our sensors to get a clear look." "Hail them." A moment passed. "No response." "Commander Smith, assemble an away team and take a shuttle down to the surface to check on the station." Dan paused and furrowed his brow. "Why a shuttle?" "Because they're not used often and I want to make sure the crew doesn't get rusty on flying them." Jad replied. "Yeah, but you know what happens whenever we take a shuttle somewhere. Those things can't be trusted! It'll get attacked, or struck by a random ion storm, or swept away by a gust of solar wind. Jeez, why not just add some more bad luck and staff it completely with young yellow-shirted low ranking male officers we've never heard of before." "Just because the last 15 shuttle missions ended in disaster doesn't mean anything. We need to buck the trend, now get moving!" Dan grumbled as he walked towards the turbolift. "Yes sir." Vince started snickering as Dan entered the lift. "Have fun in the death trap, I mean shuttle!" "Commander DiSanto, you're with me." Dan called out. "God damn it!" Vince obediently trudged along. "Are you sure you want to send him down in a shuttle?" Charlotte asked. "You remember the last time he flew in one and he crashed on that pre-industrial planet on the way back to the ship." Jad sighed. "Section 31 says we have to use our shuttles more often. Besides, I'm sure he's forgotten about being molested by that pack of native fang-wombed sea-hags." Charlotte smirked. "That's one thing I've never been called." "Give it time, Commander. Give it time." "Shuttlecraft Kimmel to Banshee, we're nearing the station." Commander Smith said as he piloted the shuttle towards the small landing bay on the station's northeast side. "Our sensors are picking up some leaks in the radiation shielding in the hull, so remember to take the inoculations with you." Charlotte said over the comm. The shuttle set down in a darkened bay and Commander Smith, Lt. Cmdr. DiSanto, Dr. Isaac and Lt. Carn stepped outside. "Still no life signs." Dr. Isaac said as he scanned the area with his tricorder. "Computer, keep a transporter lock on the team and prepare to beam us back here at a moment's notice." Commander Smith hesitantly stepped out of the shuttle with his phaser drawn. "Understood." The computer replied. The team slowly crept to the main door of the landing bay. "Hello?" Lt. Carn called out as he led the way. "Where's the station's command center?" Dr. Isaac asked. "Section 17." Carn responded as they entered the corridor. Cmdr. Smith looked around. "It appears that full power is on, all the lights are running, normally those are the first to go in any sort of crisis." "Seriously." Vince said as he walked out in the lead. "Proper lighting makes these kinds of missions a hell of a lot less scary." A display panel on the nearby wall let out an unexpected spark and Vince abruptly let out a high-pitched screech. "The power system must be fluctuating, it can do that on older stations like this one if left running without maintenance for more than a few days." Carn cautiously approached the panel. "Well that must mean no one's here." Vince chimed in. "Oh darn! Let's go back to the Banshee." Carn approached the flickering panel. "I will attempt to access the station's computer from here to see if I can obtain any recent log entries or other form of record." Commander Smith began sniffing the air as a warm scent filled the room, drifting a ways down the hallway away from Carn. "Do you smell something?" He asked. Dr. Isaac began sniffing around too. "Yeah... it smells like... bacon?" His mouth began to water. Carn began tapping on the dark portion of the panel where scorch marks from the recent spark were visible along the top left edge. "There appears to be something shorting out the electrical components of this display. I will attempt to remove this portion of the panel to try to correct it." "Actually it smells kind of like ham." Vince chimed in. "Mmmm... sweet honey glazed ham, wish I had me some of that." Carn snapped the panel aside and the figure of a charred Tellerite scientist fell forward from behind the panel. "Commander Smith!" Carn cried out. "No, it's definitely bacon, it has that particular scent to it." Dan rubbed his chin, facing the other direction. "I wonder what's cookin'!" Carn ran over the corpse with a tricorder. "It appears the corpse fell onto one of the display's power couplings, causing the spark we just saw and the smell we're experiencing." "Mmmm, whatever it is it's making me hungry." Dr. Isaac said. "COMMANDER SMITH!" Carn bellowed. "In a minute, Lieutenant!" Dan snapped his head around to face the android. "We're trying to figure out the source of that sme- MY GOD!" Vince and Brian turned around and saw the corpse hunched over the hole in the wall where the display panel had been removed. Vince was visibly restraining himself from losing his breakfast. "Perhaps I'll have the steak instead." He mumbled. Brian and Dan cautiously approached the body. "Tricorder readings indicate that death occurred well before contact with the power couplings." Carn said. "Look at these markings on the face and head." Dr. Isaac said as he ran his tricorder over the corpse. "I haven't seen anything like it." "I have." Dan said grimly. "It looks like the kragh'bah, a long forgotten superstitious ritual in Klingon culture in which a warrior makes a series of gashes and cuts across the face before consuming the frontal lobe of the brain. Ancient Klingon tradition believes that's where the soul is contained, and by consuming it, you are feasting on the soul of the fallen." "You really are a wealth of creepy knowledge." Vince cringed even more. "And did you have to be so graphic?" "Why would a Tellerite crewman on a Section 31 science station deep in Federation space be murdered in the style of a long-forgotten Klingon tradition?" Carn asked. "They all were." A voice called out from behind them. Dan was the first to see the haggard old man in a beat up Federation science uniform hobble down the hallway. "All five of them were killed when they raided the station. I managed to hide... but it was too late for the rest of them." Dan glanced down at his tricorder as it spat out information about the man. "You're Dr. Burnett I assume?" "Yes, Dr. Alan Burnett, head of research on this station." The creaky old man leaned against the wall for support. "I heard voices, not Klingon voices, so I knew someone had finally been sent to rescue me." "Who did this, Doctor?" Dan asked. "A small Klingon bird-of-prey carrying a crew of three Klingon men arrived here four days ago, indicating they needed assistance with their ship. We let them board the station and before we knew it... they... they killed them! They just slaughtered them!" Dr. Burnett was visibly shaking. "Are there any other survivors?" "No... I checked... All of them..." He shook his head. "You're injured." Dr. Isaac said as he scanned over the doctor. "We need to get you back to the Banshee." "What about the bodies?" Vince asked. "Send down an away team later to retrieve them." Dan said. "I need to get out of here! Smith to shuttlecraft Kimmel, 5 to beam out." "Captain's Log, Stardate: 53502.5: Our away team has returned from the Aztum V station with the disturbing news that most of the station's crew was ritualistically slaughtered by a pack of Klingon religious fanatics. Wow... I knew the whole happy magic bunnies and rainbows thing wasn't going to happen, but jeez, ritual slaughter? Bad enough we went through that three months ago." "We're not sure where they came from, Captain." A shaken Dr. Burnett said as he sat on the edge of a sickbay bio-bed. "But as station commander I never made it a point to turn away a distressed ship." Jad nodded along while sipping his fifteenth glass of iced tea for the day. Vince stepped up alongside the captain and handed him a PADD with a star chart on it. "There are only two other vulnerable facilities in this sector, the Federation research station in orbit of Pleiades I and a subspace relay station ten light-years from here. All other colonies and facilities in the sector are too heavily populated for such a small crew to successfully attack." "Have we had any luck detecting their ship?" "No, sir, it's a safe bet to assume they're cloaked." "Then we need to be as well. Engage the cloaking device! If we're to catch them, they can't know we're out there either." Vince paused for a moment. "Umm, sir? You might want to tell the BRIDGE to engage the cloaking device. I can't do it from down here." Jad rubbed his chin and sipped some more iced tea. "This is true, this is true." He slapped his combadge. "Vorezze to bridge. Engage the cloak and go to yellow alert!" He giggled giddily. "I love saying that almost as much as 'Red alert! All hands to battle stations!' and 'Maximum warp, engage!'" Vince smiled and walked out. "We can tell." "We need more missions without excessive gore." Commander Smith said as he choked down another glass of synthahol tequila in the Twilight Zone lounge. "I mean I'm all for death and such but can't people die in a less messy manner? Seems like every week someone gets burned, maimed, molested, impaled or decapitated in some gruesome manner without any form of overall significance. The galaxy is a cruel, cruel place, I tell you. Any one of you could be next to meet your bloody, gruesome end, just you watch. Heh... you'll never even see it coming and then... BAM! You're trapped in the shuttle bay as the doors decompress and you're sucked out into the harsh cold depths of space." Dan finished off the glass. "And that's an easy way to go." Bartender Peter Stefanki slowly approached the brooding security chief. "Commander?" Dan looked up. "Hmmm?" "Don't you think you ought to sit at the bar? I don't think Mrs. Simmons kindergarten class is appreciating this lecture during their field trip." Dan glanced over to see several small children at the table he was sitting at crying and shaking and their teacher sitting with her jaw wide open and her complexion pale. "I suppose you're right." He got up to leave. "Remember, kids, death could be coming to take you with him in some gruesome way, so make the most of your time now!" Several more children started crying. "Well you're more of a ray of sunshine than usual, Commander Smith." Peter said as he escorted Dan to the bar. "There's so much violence in the universe, I'm getting sick of it all." Dan said as he sank into a bar stool. "Yeah, I remember my days when I was a smuggl- err, pizza boy. Man, the sick things people would do to each other for a, umm, tip." He turned and began polishing some glasses nervously. "But you know what got me through those days?" "Massive quantities of alcohol?" "Well that, and the fact that I knew I could somehow, some way, make a difference in this crazy, mixed up galaxy. The question you should ask yourself, Commander, is whether or not those people died in vain. Of all the missions we've been on, of all the people who have died and ships that have been destroyed, do you think we ever made a difference? Are you a better person because of it?" Dan paused for a moment to ponder Peter's question as he sipped down a fresh glass. "No." Peter shrugged. "Maybe then you just need to figure out a way to make sure that none of those lives were lost in vain. Do what you need to do to make yourself feel better about the sometimes dirty job you have to do. Maybe even learn some new techniques! For instance, when I was an assas- err, used shuttlecraft dealer, I found that threats of tortured worked much better than threats of death." Dan raised his eyebrow. "You had to do that as a used shuttle salesman?" Peter paused. "Umm, err, uhh, well it's not what I did, it's what YOU need to do, Commander, YOU, YOU, YOU!" Peter got out from behind the bar and led Dan out of the Twilight Zone lounge, stopping at the door. "Now get out there and show the quadrant how the new Commander Daniel Smith feels about the value of life!" Dan smiled and charged forward. "Yes! I feel so alive!" He ran down the hallway. Peter walked back to the bar, sneering at himself and smacking himself on the side of the head. "Used shuttlecraft salesman... stupid, Peter! Stupid!" "Sensor sweeps report nothing out of the ordinary." Dr. Lang said as she set her report down on Captain Vorezze's desk. "Dr. Isaac's autopsy reports on the five victims seem to indicate that they were first shot and stunned unconscious before any of the ritual carvings were performed and the frontal lobes of their brains consumed." Captain Vorezze swallowed hard on the bit of bagel sandwich he was consuming. "Thank you for that added detail." He washed it down with the rest of his twenty-fifth glass of iced tea. "So I assume you don't want to review the autopsy photographs that accompany the report?" "I'll pass, thanks." Jad set his lunch aside. "What about Burnett?" "He hasn't said much beyond his initial report. I'd imagine he's been pretty shaken up by this week's events. Counselor Stokes has talking him through some of his nightmares." "As soon as he appears to be able to, I want Commander DiSanto and Captain Velorn to discuss what he might remember from the incident to see if we have any idea where the Klingon ship is going next. And keep a watch on all subspace transmissions from the area, in case we hear anything strange." "Aye, sir." Liz turned and left. Jad gazed into his empty glass and sighed. "I kind of want another." Lacking anything more interesting to do, most of the engineering staff sat in a circular formation watching the red and blue swirls of the warp core travel up and down their shafts and into the dilithium crystal chamber. Most were hypnotized by pretty flashing lights. Lieutenant Commander David Riley was the only person currently doing actual work. "Lieutenant Rayhan?" David called out as he hunched over a console displaying a map of the aft section's internal sensor circuitry. "Whaaaaaaat?" Rayhan said in a whiney tone from his front row seat staring into the red antimatter shaft of the warp core. "The internal sensors for decks 17 through 15 are out again, go check the EPS node for the section." Rayhan pouted. "But I don't want to get up." David sighed. "It's right inside that Jeffries tube hatch. I'd to it myself but I have to go to the bathroom." The chief engineer got up and headed towards main engineering's restroom. Rayhan let out a hurt huffing sound. "Ensign Jenkins, go work on that EPS node." "But-" Jenkins pouted. "That's an order, ENSIGN." Jenkins stood up, grabbed a toolkit and trudged off into the Jeffries tube hatch. Rayhan sat back down and stared intently into the warp core again. Suddenly a loud scream echoed through main engineering, followed by a loud banging sound and the high-pitched screech of weapons fire. Rayhan furrowed his brow and looked over to one of his coworkers. "Do you think we should go check on him?" The lieutenant shrugged. "Who cares, the warp core's so much cooler!" Rayhan nodded and stared intently back into the shaft. Commander Riley hurried out of the bathroom. "What was that screaming and shouting?" "Oh... I think Jenkins might have cut himself on a laser drill or something." Rayhan said. "I figured he'd call for help if he needed any." David cautiously approached the Jeffries tube hatch. "Ensign Jenkins?" He called out as he pressed the release. "Are you okay?" The door slid aside to reveal, a short ways down the tube, a figure standing over Jenkins wielding a sharp blade. "Oh my god," David slapped his combadge, "Security to main engineering!" He ran over to the wall and grabbed a phaser from the security box and aimed it into the Jeffries tube. "Don't move!" He screamed. The figure looked up and then darted down the tube as Commander Riley fired, hitting the wall behind them and causing the circuit paneling to flicker and go dark. "Riley to bridge, intruder alert, deck 16, section 21. Send a medical team to engineering, we have a wounded officer!" "Understood." Axik replied. The red alert sirens promptly sounded as a team of four phaser rifle-wielding security guards ran into engineering. Commander Smith strolled in after them. "Someone attacked Ensign Jenkins in the Jeffries tube, then ran off." The guards nodded and crawled into the tube in pursuit. David turned in anger to Lieutenant Rayhan. "Why didn't you do something sooner!?" he screamed. "Jenkins could have died if I hadn't have shown up!" "Well then I guess it's good you did?" Rayhan said sheepishly. David clenched his fist when Dan approached him and set his hand on the engineer's shoulder. "Now, now, Commander, violence is not the answer." Dan said softly. Commander Riley sighed, eased up a little and said, "No, but it would make me feel a lot better." "Just breathe in, breathe out." Dan said calmly. "If we are to embrace peace as a people we must first be at peace in our soul." "Say what?" Dan grinned. "I've made a revelation, my friend. Violence is not the answer to our problems! We must let go of our anger to embrace true enlightenment." "Is that a flower attached to your combadge?" "The flower is a symbol of eternal peace." "Right, as long as you catch the guy who was just attacking one of my engineers so he can find eternal peace in a Federation prison colony." "Oh we will, we will. But come, let us frolic off to the bridge to inform the Captain of this dire news!" "Okay now you're starting to scare me." David said as he hesitantly walked alongside Dan. "Captain's Log, Stardate: 53502.7: The Banshee has been placed on intruder alert after a random engineer, I forget his name, we'll just call him 'Ensign Disposable,' was attacked by an unknown assailant outside main engineering. Unfortunately, during the altercation, Commander Riley fired a phaser that hit the internal sensors EPS conduit, leaving us blind to any intruder's possible location. I've ordered security guards to be positioned in every section and am considering canceling tonight's planned hide-and-go-seek-in- dark-deserted-corners-of-the-ship game." "He's in sickbay in stable condition." Dr. Isaac said as he sat in his raised chair in the observation lounge. "He should make a full recovery if he can get over his newfound fear of Jeffries tubes." Jad leaned back as he nursed his thirty-first glass of iced tea down. "You think this is the same person or persons who attack the crewmembers on the station?" Dr. Burnett sat at the end of the table, shuddering. "Keep them away from me! They're coming for me!" "It appears likely. The wounds Ensign Jeffries received appeared to be from a Klingon knife and disruptor pistol." "How could the Klingons have boarded the Banshee?" Jad asked as he got up to replicate another glass. "The only way they could have entered is if they somehow stowed away on the shuttle as it returned from the station to the ship. It was left unattended long enough for one or more people to enter and hide out in one of the cargo compartments." Charlotte said. Commander DiSanto spoke up in a high-pitched voice. "Don't worry, nothing bad will happen if we use a shuttle instead of the transporters! Never mind the fact that the last fifteen shuttle missions had something go wrong. Nooooo, let's not listen to reason." Captain Vorezze glared at the tactical officer. "Are you done?" Vince continued to speak in falsetto. "I don't know if I'm done, because I'm always wrong. Whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo!" Jad let out a flustered sigh and looked to Dan. "Commander, how can we best track this threat when we don't know where they are or how many we're up against?" Dan stood up and paced around the conference table, removing wildflowers from the tie-dyed bandana wrapped around his head and setting one in front of each officer he passed. "Well we have to become one with the Klingons. Once we understand them, we can embrace them and show them the shining and true light of love and peace." Jad blinked. "What the hell are you talking about?" "Become one with the Klingons, Captain, and become one with the ship! Then and only then can we truly find happiness and safety." "Well... moving on, seeing as though Commander Smith has apparently become a walking motivational poster, Dr. Burnett, do you remember anything about the Klingons' motives or pattern of attack?" The weary old man shook his head. "They were very strict into their adherence of ancient kragh'bah tradition. They kept going on and on about how they were going to eat our souls." "I hope they like tainted food then..." Counselor Stokes muttered to herself. "How much do we know about the kragh'bah?" Jad asked. "I actually know quite a bit, I did some anthropology work on Kronos a few years back. I consider myself something of a buff on Klingon culture, I've read all the books, I even have an extensive collection of Klingon paraphernalia." "Good, work with Commander Smith to see if we can figure out what their next move might be." Dan leaned over and put his arm around Dr. Burnett. "Come, good doctor! We shall use our wisdom and understanding to stop this horrible violence!" Dr. Brunett looked frightened as Dan put a flower in above the old man's ear. "Ummmm... Commander DiSanto, you'd better assist them." Jad said as he finished glass number 32. "As for the rest of the crew, no one is to be alone or unarmed under any circumstances. We just put new carpets in, I don't want to get them all messy already. Dismissed!" Lt. Cmdr. Rachow looked devilishly across the table to Dr. Lang. "So, good doctor, since we can't be alone, you'd best be spending the night with me. Captain's orders." Ben proceeded to wink and flash a crooked smile. Dr. Lang cringed. "Thanks, but I already have security." As if by command, her hamster, Zeke, scurried out of her pocket with a small type-1 phaser almost as big as he was clutched in his paws. Ben grumbled as he turned and filed out with the rest of the senior staff. "Report." Captain Vorezze said as he strode onto the bridge. Lieutenant Pisters sat at tactical. "We've been trying our damnedest to search for any trace of the Klingon ship but we're yet to find anything." Vince hunched over the Lieutenant's shoulder. "They might have fine tuned the cloaking device to avoid any of the known methods of detecting a cloaked ship." Jad stood for a moment as he sipped the iced tea. "If one or more of the operatives were on the Banshee, would it not be logical to assume the ship would still be in orbit somewhere?" Velorn looked up from his seat next to the command chair. "Did you just say logical?" The Vulcan raised his eyebrow. "Curious... I did not expect such a term to be in your vocabulary." Jad nodded as he guzzled the rest of the drink down. "You'd be surprised sometimes, Captain. Mr. DiSanto, emit a low-level tachyon pulse, fire our probes to reflect the pulse around the entirety of the planet if we have to. If that bird of prey is out there, that should reveal it." "Or give away our location so they can shoot us down." Vince added. "I doubt we'd be in much danger if it came down to that, Commander." "That's what the crew of the Enterprise-D said." Vince rolled his eyes. "Sir, I'm picking up a power surge on deck 9, section 22." Axik said as an alarm sounded. "It could be someone attempting to cut a power conduit with some form of metal blade." "Security to deck 9, section 22!" Jad announced in his most commanding voice. "Red alert!" There was a moment of silence before Vince said, "Captain? We've been at red alert for the last 4 hours." "I- I knew that! I just wanted to make sure you all knew what those blinking red lights meant! Yes, yes, that's it. I'll be in my ready room... getting... ready..." Jad quickly darted out. Commander Smith, Lieutenant Carn and a security detail rushed down the corridor on deck 9, pushing aside random officers as they went until they rounded the corner and found Dr. Burnett curled up in a little ball on the floor. A Klingon knife lay a few feet away. "Doctor, are you all right?" Dan said in a soothing voice as he rushed over to the quivering scientist. "Th-th-they're trying to kill me!" Burnett stuttered. "They want to eat my soul!" Dan put his arm around the doctor and rocked him gently. "There, there. You have nothing to fear. Death is a natural part of existence, you'll learn to accept it!" Burnett started whimpering. "The important thing right now is to be one with yourself. Breathe deeply and focus on you and find your inner peace. Nevermind the fact that a group of bloodthirsty Klingon religious fanatics want to rip open your skull and feast on your cerebrum, this is a time of personal exploration and reflection!" Burnett broke down into sobbing. Carn approached a damaged bulkhead where a primary power conduit was sparking slightly from a series of small cuts made to its outer skin. "It appears the assailant was attempting to cut power to all the primary lights on this deck." Dan looked up as he continued to cradle the frightened Dr. Burnett. "Or the unenlightened souls were trying to use the power to charbroil Dr. Burnett's brain inside his skull before they ravenously consumed it." Dr. Burnett let out a high-pitched whining squeak. Carn took some tools out of a small storage compartment near his buttocks and mended the slashes in the conduit. "I suggest we seal all access points to the ship's internal systems and restrict access to engineers only." Dan nodded in agreement. "It will also make it harder for those horrible violence mongers to use shattered isolinear chip fragments to mutilate poor Dr. Burnett's body after they murder him." Dr. Burnett started bawling. The head security guard jogged up the hallway to Commander Smith. "Sir, we can't find any trace of the Klingons." Dan furrowed his brow and stood up, dropping the crying scientist on the floor. "All access points leading off this deck were sealed, right?" "Yes, sir." "Then they have to be here, somewhere. Force field this area off, make sure nothing gets in or out of this section until we can find the Klingons. I think they all need a great big hug." The guard looked confused, but shrugged and said "Aye, sir." "Report!" Jad said as he came back onto the bridge with his fortieth glass of iced tea in hand. "Security says that they have the intruders trapped in deck 9, section 22." Axik reported. "The deck's been sealed off and evacuated. "What about our search for the bird of prey?" Captain Vorezze turned to tactical. "Nothing." Commander DiSanto shook his head. "It's possible they left orbit, or even beamed down from another location." The turbolift doors split apart and Commander Smith, Lieutenant Carn and Dr. Burnett emerged. "Any updates?" Jad asked. "Seach teams are combing the section now, Captain. We should find them any moment now." Commander Smith said. "Those poor Klingons, lost in their own world of violence. They must feel so lonely. Why is there so much hate in the world!?" "Dr. Burnett, could I see you in my ready room?" Captain Vorezze asked. "Certainly." Burnett, still shaking, said as he followed the captain into his ready room. "Have a seat." Jad said. Burnett obediently sat down. "Section 31 command wants to know how far along the station's research had been going before these devastating attacks took place." Burnett shuddered at the memories before speaking. "We- we were making significant headway before we had a slight accident a week ago when some of the gas we were working on leaked out." Jad began to sit in his chair uncomfortably. "I hate to interrupt, but could you excuse me? I just remember I've had to go to the bathroom for the last five hours." Dr. Burnett nodded. "Of course, take your time, I need to regain my composure." Jad got up and darted into the restroom adjacent to his ready room. "Lieutenant Yedder to Commander Smith." A voice rang out over Dan's combadge. "Yes Lieutenant?" Dan replied. "We've searched every inch of this section, there's no one here. We can't even detect any Klingon DNA residue in the air. If there were Klingons in this section, they would've had to have not have shed any skin, hair or body odor." Dan stood perplexed for a moment. "That last one's nearly impossible to accomplish even in a closed off environmental suit. Keep searching, we might be missing something." "Aye, sir, Yedder out." The turbolift doors opened and Liz came running onto the bridge. "I've just successfully downloaded some sensor footage from the station's computer." She said as she inserted an isolinear chip into a card reader at her station. "This first one should show us exactly what happened around the time communications were first cut off." The main viewer displayed an image of the station's command area. Dr. Burnett was pacing around the outer edge as three scientists worked on a series of consoles. One of them got up and went into the bathroom. "This is right when the last status report from the station was cut short... But I don't see any Klingons." Liz said as she watched intently. The sensor image of Dr. Burnett showed him immediately pause, then slowly walk out of the command center. "What was wrong with Dr. Burnett?" Charlotte asked, watching the display. A moment later the body of the crewman broke through the doors of the restroom. Two disruptor charges flashed from the gaping doorway and struck down the other two scientists. The sound of Captain Vorezze emptying his long pent up bladder echoed through the ready room as Dr. Burnett paced along the wall, inspecting the Captain's collection of sharp pointy objects and large blunt items on one of the shelves. "Oh god!" Vorezze said as his urination spree entered its third consecutive minute. "Why did I drink so much iced tea!?" "Look at the look on Dr. Burnett's face." Charlotte pointed to the viewer as the clip replayed. "It looks like something came over him or something." Liz checked the sensor displays. "While there was no sound recorded on this surveillance footage, there was a lot of other equipment monitoring the conditions in the lab. According to these readings something sounding like water drizzling, possibly from the crewman who just entered the bathroom, became audible at the same time that Dr. Burnett's expression froze." "What were they researching anyways?" Charlotte asked. Liz checked her records. "A type of subliminal control gas that lingered in the system for about a month. Certain trigger events would cause the gas to create an endocrine surge that would boost certain hormones that could cause reactions like sudden fits of rage, strength and so on." Charlotte froze, then hit her combadge. "Bridge to Commander Riley." "Riley here." David said over the comm. "When Ensign Jenkins was attacked earlier today, what was going on in engineering?" "I'm not exactly sure, I was in the bathroom, although the damned thing isn't soundproofed so I could hear the screaming outside." Charlotte shot up. "Was it number one or number two, Commander?" "Uhhhh, come again?" David said confused. "Damnit, was it number one or number two!?" "Number one, jeez. It took along time, too, I had four cups of coffee this morning." As the sound of Captain Vorezze's urination spree extended into the fifth consecutive minute, Dr. Burnett slowly approached the ready room bathroom with a sharp, spike shaped trophy in hand and a murderous glint in his eye. The sound quickly tapered off as Jad let out a relieved sigh. "Thank god..." he said, "I thought I'd never stop." The sound immediately resumed. "God damnit!" "The sound of water tinkling." Liz gasped. "If someone was exposed to the gas, something like that might trigger them to perform erratic behavior..." "Normally people only want to kill me when the bathroom door opens after I do a number two." Ben said as he watched the replay of the video footage. "Where's Dr. Burnett?" Liz asked. "In the ready room." Charlotte turned and sat down in the command chair. One of Captain Vorezze's empty iced tea glasses fell off the arm of the chair as she sat down. Charlotte reached down and picked it up. "Uh oh." "CAPTAIN!" Liz screamed. Captain Vorezze emerged a very relieved man from the ready room bathroom only to find Dr. Burnett, frothing at the mouth, lunging after him with the spiked trophy in hand. "Doctor!" He shouted. "I know I took a while in there, but I can assure you I couldn't help it!" "I must eat your soooouuuul!" Burnett said in a deep, guttural voice as he climbed over the downed captain and aimed the point of the trophy at Jad's temple. "I must consume iiiiiit!" Jad chuckled nervously as he squirmed slightly. "Would it surprise you to know that the predominant religion on Betazed doesn't believe in the existence of a soul? Ha, ha, ha, guess that means I've got nothing to eat!" "Sssssooooooooouuuuuuullllllll!" Burnett rasped and slobbered. The doors parted and Lt. Cmdr. DiSanto and Commander Smith charged in. Vince immediately withdrew his phaser. "Captain!" "Don't provoke him!" Jad pleaded as Burnett snarled at Dan and Vince. "Otherwise my head becomes a trophy-cabob." Dan pouted as he stared at Dr. Burnett. "I thought you understood." He stepped forward and took a flower out of his hair. "Violence is not the answer. It never is! Peace is the only way to live, it's who you are! Sure, you might not find too many people who will peaceably let you rip their skulls open and feast on their brains so that you can consume their eternal souls, but, man, when you finally find that special someone who lets you, their soul will taste that much sweeter because you didn't use violence to get it. Make love, not violence, man, it doesn't solve anything." "Must... eat... soul!" Burnett rasped again, raising the trophy waving it menacingly at Dan and Vince. Dan sighed. "Oh, to hell with it." He pulled out his phaser and shot Dr. Burnett. The scientist collapsed, stunned, on top of Captain Vorezze, and dropped the trophy point first, which landed half a centimeter away from Jad's head and stuck upright in the floor. Jad gasped bug eyed at the trophy adjacent to his head. "Sharp... trophy... by... head... sharp... by... head... sharp..." Commander Burns and Commander Axik rushed into the ready room as Vince pulled Dr. Burnett off of Captain Vorezze. "Oh Jaddy-pooh, are you okay?" Axik said as she ran over to the downed captain. "Point... right... by... head... almost... pointy... by... head..." Jad stammered "Let's get him to the brig." Commander Burns said as she and Vince dragged. Dan sighed as he plunked down next to the still blathering Captain Vorezze. "Violence solved the problem..." he shook his head, "I feel so disillusioned." Jad snapped his head up, shook it off, then reached over and smacked Commander Smith upside the head with a mild expression of rage on his face. "Don't you ever stun somebody when they're holding a sharp metal object directly above my head! You could have killed me!!" Dan sighed and got up, pouting slightly. "Eh, well, life's a bitch like that, no pain no gain." Jad paused for a moment, then snapped to attention and charged for the door. "There were no Klingons! The shuttle wasn't the cause of this whole thing! Here that??? The shuttle part was PERFECT!" "Captain's Log, Stardate: 53502.9: The Banshee is en route to Section 31 station 472-beta where we will drop the currently incarcerated Dr. Burnett off so that Section 31 officials can poke and prod him in all sorts of fun ways to see any further effects of the gas he was exposed to. A team of Section 31 dieticians have also been dispatched to the station to determine the effectiveness of an all-soul diet for potential use in ration packs... ewww. We've officially stood down from red alert and intruder alert and the crew seems to be breathing easier, although many seem reluctant to use the bathroom." Dan sighed as he chugged down another synathol tequila at the Twilight Zone's bar. Peter watched the security chief and cautiously approached him. "Something on your mind, Commander?" Dan shook his head. "I just don't get it. Violence never seems to solve any problems, but neither does pacifism." Peter paused from polishing some glasses. "Well, for me at least, when I was a hitma- err, accountant, I often found that peace works most of the time, but sometimes, as a last resort, I'd have to resort to torture and killing to meet my goals." Dan nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He paused. "Torture and killing? What the hell kind of accountant were you?" Peter paused and stuttered for a moment. "Uhh, errr, I worked for the Federation Internal Revenue Service." "Ahhhh, I gotcha." Dan said as he pushed his glass aside. Peter shrugged. "Violence happens, it's unavoidable. But look at it this way: yes, you used violence to stop Dr. Burnett from killing Captain Vorezze, but you did so without killing him, so he can go on living a healthy life from here on out." Dan smiled and nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I guess I did." "What ever happened to Dr. Burnett anyways?" "Oh, Section 31 is minutely examining every nerve in his body and if he can't be cured they're shipping him off to the dilithium mines on Hyrex II for the rest of his natural life." Peter raised his glass. "Here's to Dr. Burnett living a long life thanks to your selective use of force." Dan smiled and drank to the toast. "Thanks, Pete, you've been a big help." "Glad I could be of service." Peter nodded. Commander Smith got up and headed out of the lounge, filled with a strange newfound sense of optimism and an increased drive to fulfill his duty to protect the lives the crew.