Star Traks: Banshee ñHellionî By Brad Dusen "Macho macho man..." Carn danced off the turbolift and into the hallway. "We really should fix that." Jad said to Dan as they walked onto the lift. "Deck 4." The turbolift hummed as it sped through the network of shafts that ran through the bowels of the Banshee. "Any news from Starfleet about the war?" Dan asked. "Yeah. After the defeat of the Seventh Fleet, Starfleet decided to break out the big guns." "You donÍt mean." Dan gasped. "Yup, theyÍre sicking the Federation Postal Service on them." The lift changed directions. "Oh, speaking of which, there was a package delivered by Galactic Express for you from Pohc IV a month ago that I forgot to tell you about." "Yes!" Dan said with unusual jubilation. "My book of spells, hexes and curses! With this I can do all sorts of things, like make people look excessively ugly." The doors slid open. Charlotte was standing there, waiting for the lift. "Looks like someone beat ya to it." Jad said as he and Dan stepped off the lift. "Captain's log, stardate 51240.2: The Banshee has finally ventured out into unexplored space where we will do a simple mapping job of the sector. Why a Section Thirty-One ship has to do this is beyond me, but I think it's just to get the crew used to isolation. To this end, the crew finds ourselves with a bit of free time on our hands, so we have decided to explore the recreational facilities that our ship has." "Ye-aah!" Dan shouted as he popped open the air sealed package that housed Dan's newest possession. The book was old and battered. Then Dan noticed something underneath it. "What's this?" He asked. He pulled out a small statue of what looked like a demon holding a severed human head above his head, as if showing it off to the world. There was a letter written on a PADD in the package. "Cmdr. Dan Smith, USS Banshee: For your loyal years as a member of the Federation Occult Studies Society, we have given you this idol as a free gift, found at the site of an ancient satanic cult's temple in England." The letter said. "Fun!" Dan said as he examined the idol. Dr. Issac walked into the turbolift. He saw Ben there, talking to someone over his com-badge. "Look, Delia." Ben said. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said last night. How was I supposed to know you have webbed feet?" "Don't talk to me, Ben!" A disgruntled sounding woman said from the other end of the communicator. The link was severed. "Was that Lieutenant Delia Carson, from Stellar Cartography?" Brian asked. "Yeah. She was my girlfriend." Ben said. "Uhh, not she." Brian said. "What?" Ben asked. "She's not a she." Brian said. The lift halted. "You don't mean..." Ben felt the urge to vomit. "Have a nice day, Commander." Brian smiled as he walked off the turbolift. "She's a he?" Ben asked Peter as he buried himself in his synthahol drink in the lounge. "Or was." Peter shrugged. "I thought everyone knew that." "Give me another." Ben slid his empty scotch glass towards Peter. "I think you've had enough." Peter said. "And to think, I spent two hours making out with her last night." Ben moaned. Peter paused. "I think you need something stronger." He turned to the decorative painting of the Banshee flying through a nebula that hung behind the bar and imput a code into a nearby touchpad. The painting slid aside to reveal a large collection of alcoholic beverages. "Ah, here we go!" Peter picked up a bottle of Aldebaran Whisky. The bottle suddenly shattered, splattering the green drink all over Ben. "Oh yeah, that helps." Ben groaned. "What happened?" Peter looked at the broken bottle. "I wasn't holding it that hard!" Another bottle sitting on the shelf shattered. Then another. A bottle of iced tea broke, spraying it, with its lemon juice mixed in onto Peter's eyes. "What the hell is going on?" About ten minutes later, chief engineer David Riley was scanning the shelf with a tricorder. "I can't explain it." Dave shook his head. "There is no trace of a power surge, energy field or anything else that could explain what happened." "Some engineer you are." Peter said. "Hold still!" Brian shouted as he continued to spray cleansing water into Peter's eye. "Isn't this a little low-tech?" Peter asked. "Yeah. But this is more fun." Brian increased the spray into Peter's eye. Captain Vorezze was sitting at his ready room desk, working on a PADD when he felt a slight breeze. He looked up. No one was in the room. He continued his work. There was a stronger breeze. Jad looked up again. Still, there was no one. "Computer, is there a malfunction with the enviromental systems?" "Negative." The computer said. Jad shook it off and went back to work. "Jaaaaaaaaad". A voice whispered softly. "Whaaaaaaaat?" He answered back. He looked up from his PADD saw a figure standing there. It was Dara Nellis, Jad's first time, who died in a shuttle accident. "Dara?" He asked. The figure vanished. Jad shook his head and looked down at his cup of coffee. "No more." He got up and placed his cup in the replicator, where it vanished. As he turned back, he saw the images of at least fifty men crammed into his ready room. "Charlotte's on the bridge, guys." He said. "Thank you." They said in unison. All fifty flew through the wall. "What the..?" Jad could hear Charlotte calling from the bridge. Counselor Emily Stokes sat in her office with a patient. "I just don't think he's committed to our marriage." The ensign on her couch said. "And why is that?" Emily asked. "Well, I found him in bed with Lieutenant Carson, from Stellar Cartography." "Lieutenant Carson?" Emily suddenly asked. "Twice!" The ensign sobbed. "Well think about it this way:" Emily said comfortingly, "When he dies, his soul will burn in Hell for his sin." The ensign sobbed harder. Then she stopped, then looked up, her eyes glowing red. "Uhhh..." Emily backed away from the ensign. A low growling came from deep within the ensign's throat. "Don't..." Emily backed towards the door. "Come..." The ensign drew closer. "Any..." She retracted, looking like she was about to jump. "Closer..!" The ensign let out an animal like growl before pinning Emily to the wall. "AHHHHHHH!!!!" Emily gasped in terror. "You know, I wonder if we've entered a cursed sector or some- thing." Jad said to Dan as he paced the observation lounge. "There has been some creepy stuff going on around here." "Could this be a test that Section Thirty-One command is putting on us?" Dan asked. "I doubt that." Velorn said from his seat at the table. "Since this mission in itself is a test to see if the Banshee can be an adequate self-sustaining community." "Well look at these reports. Broken bottles in the lounge. Ensign Markson seeing faces in the plasma coolant tanks. My own visions of dead people." "I'd wonder if there's LSD in the water, especially given that report about the people on deck 19." Dan said. "Actually, the walls really were melting, damn overheating." Jad said. "And Dr. Issac's scanned for any traces of foreign substances in the water tanks. The only thing was that someone urinated in there during the refit." Dan looked around nervously. "Uhh, captain, I think that I left the oven on in my quarters." He quickly left the lounge. Jad walked out onto the bridge and found Ben sitting in the command chair, staring down at his crotch. "Ahh, it fell off!" He shouted. He reached down and scooped up some air and acted like he was attaching it to himself. "It fell off again!" Ben said with a look of panic. "Won't even ask." Jad quickly entered a turbolift. "You know, I could have sworn I saw the personification of evil on deck 11." Dr. Issac said to Peter in the lounge. "What was it?" Pete asked. "Tupac Shakur." Brian responded. The lounge doors opened and Emily slowly walked in. "Hello, Counselor." Brian smiled. "You're looking quite..." Brian looked her over, "pale and sickly today. Are you feeling all right?" "I'm fine." Emily said softly. "You're sure?" Brian said. "Fine." Emily said again. "Positive?" Emily let out a deep, low growl with a voice not her own. "FINE!!" Brian quickly spun around and looked down at his drink. "Must be that time of the month." Jad was tossing and turning in bed all night, when he finally woke up, drenched in his own sweat. Panting from the nightmare, he looked around. It was his quarters, but he saw some- thing in his bed, something worse than snakes, razorbeasts or Barney the dinosaur. He saw Charlotte laying in bed beside him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Brian looked up from his drink in the lounge, hearing a distant scream. "Probably just the warp engines." Jad turned away, shielding his eyes. When he looked back, there was nothing there. His bed was empty, save for himelf. Captain Vorezze stumbled into sickbay the next morning, only to be greeted by Charlotte, who was on her way out. "Did you have a good sleep?" She asked. Jad shuddered and proceeded into sickbay. "Doctor, could you scan me for anything abnormal that might be causing strange visions?" Brian held a medical tricorder up to Jad's head. "This doesn't show anything." "Hey!" "Anything odd." Brian corrected himself. "I can see nothing wrong with you, except you're insulting, have extremely bad eyesight, you're incompetent..." "Okay!" Jad shouted. "Sorry." Brian folded up the tricorder. "The stress is getting to me." "What stress, we just got done with a renovation in which you spent most of the time on a holodeck." "With very stressful programs, mind you." Brian protested. "Maybe you're right." Jad sighed. "The stress must be getting to me. The change in command and now this." "Isn't that wierd." Brian said eerily. "It's almost as if someone is controlling our lives and making them more interesting for the purpose of something like a TV show or series of stories." "Now you're just being ridiculous." Jad said as he walked out of sickbay. Charlotte was puttering around in her quarters when Emily walked in. "Hello, Couselor." Charlotte said. "Thank you, but the voices have stopped." Emily said nothing, simply set out a low, inhuman growel and leapt onto Charlotte. "Hey!" Charlotte shouted as she was pinned by Emily. "I know there are rumor about me and that kind of thing, but that was BEFORE Lieutenant Carson had the operation!" "Puny mortal, feel my wrath!" Emily said inhumanly. "Oh shit..." Charlotte stuttered. Lieutenant Carn was in the main shuttlebay, with Commander Rachow. "So we've installed the cloaking devices on our runabouts too?" Ben asked. "The Indus and the Xi and them, but I'm still working on the Brahmaputra." Carn said. "Hey, since you're and android, can you lift a runabout?" Ben asked curiously. "Sure." Carn said. With one hand, he walked over and lifted the Brahamputra a meter off the ground. "Wow!" Ben said with genuine amazement. As Carn set it down, they heard a loud scream. "AAAAHHHH!" It was Commander Riley. They had set the Brahmaputra down on Dave's foot." "Computer, transfer the emergency medical hologram to the shuttlebay's holoprojectors and activate." Ben shouted. A tall, thin man looking surprisingly like Andy Dick appeared. "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." The EMH asked. "That!" Ben pointed to Dave's foot under the Brahmaputra's warp nacelle. "Ehhhh..." The EMH cringed. "First, get the runabout off Commander Riley!" Carn picked up the runabout and began juggling it around in the air. Dave's foot looked much like a pancake at the moment. "Transport him to sickbay." The EMH said. "I can help him there." "Rachow to transporter room 4, beam Commander Riley to sickbay." Ben said. Dave vanished and the EMH transferred himself back. Ben looked back to Carn, who was still juggling the runabout. As he juggled, he sang the aria from Carmen. Then the runabout suddenly shifted, landing on Carn. "Carn!" Be runshed over to him. He looked up at the people in the control booth. "Get that off of him!" A tractor beamed lifted the Brahmaputra off of Carn. Ben ran over to the android. "Carn, can you hear me?" "How interesting." Carn said. His nose and chin and been flattened into his face. "I didn't intend on that happening." He sparked before passing out. "You idiot." Ben shook his head. Charlotte and Emily walked onto the bridge, neither looking all that well. "Captain..." Charlotte said softly. "May I see you in your ready room?" "I guess." Jad said as the two entered his ready room. "What is it?" Charlotte embraced him. "I want you." She said softly. "And I want you off of me." Jad wrestled her away. "What's wrong with you?" "Take me now." Charlotte said. "I told you that I'd never do that!" Jad shouted. "Again." "Take me, puny mortal." Charlotte said. "Are you trying to imply something about my, err, equipment?" "TAKE ME!" Her voice was a deep growl. "Security!" Jad shouted. Two guards rushed in from the bridge. "Take Commander Burns to her quarters and confine her there." "With pleasure!" The guard said. "You will perish in the inferno!" Charlotte screamed as she was dragged off. "I knew she'd snap one day." Jad shook his head. The ready room's door chimed. "Enter." Dan walked in. "Captain, I think I found the source of all those wierd things happening on the Banshee." He held up an idol, which was broken. "Something escaped from here." "You're saying the Banshee is haunted?" Jad was about to laugh. "I'll need a better sign than a broken statue!" The replicator sprang to life, spraying what was hoped to be ketchup onto the ready room wall, spelling "Go Away!" "I'd call that a big yes." Dan said. "Okay, what was supposed to be in the statue?" Jad turned from the writing on the wall. "It was the spirit of a captured demon, capable of possessing multiple people at will." "Can it be removed?" "I think so." Dan said. "There should be a counterspell in the book that came with it." "Damn!" Jad grumbled. "That means I have to excuse to ship Charlotte off the Federation funny farm on Tantalus V." He paused. "Well what do we do about it?" "First we have to figure out just who's possessed besides Charlotte." Dan said. "That might be hard." Jad stood up. "Half the crew wanders around like they've been possessed." "Good point." Dan sighed. "Issac to Vorezze." Brian said over the comm. "What is it, Doctor?" Jad asked. "You'd better come down here. It's Carn." "What's wrong with him?" "You'd better come down here." Brian said. "But what's wrong?" Jad was getting annoyed. "It's dramatic effect! Just haul your ass down here!" Brian screamed. "Fine." Jad got up and left. Carn lay on the medical bed in sickbay with Brian looking over him as Jad and Dan walked in. "What happened?" Jad looked at the main bed. "He looks like a pancake." "That is a pancake." Brian picked up his breakfast. "Carn's in the other bed. "Oh." Jad looked over to Carn. "Well what happened to him?" "He was crushed while juggling a runabout." Brian explained. "I can revive him, but it will take some time." Dan pulled Jad aside. "Isn't this just convenient? Carn, the only person who can't be possessed by an evil spirit is knocked out of commission." "Oh crap." Jad said. "Maybe Charlotte can give me some answers." Jad walked into the Banshee's brig. "Who are you?" He asked Charlotte. "Who do you think I am?" Charlotte asked demonically "A slut." Jad said. "Besides that." "A possessed slut." "I take it that I didn't hide it that well." Charlotte said. "Like Lieutenant Carson trying to hide her adam's apple." "Why are you haunting us?" "Because it's fun." Charlotte grinned. "And who else is possessed." "Emily, myself and Ensign O'Connell." Charlotte froze. "I-I mean, uh, just myself." "Vorezze to Smith, take Counselor Stokes and Ensign O'Connell into custody. Bring them to the observation lounge and assemble the senior staff there." "Damn." Charlotte grumbled. "If you'll come with me." Jad took his phaser from his holster and pointed it at Charlotte as he lowered the forcefield. That was one of the good things about the war starting up and the regulation for officers to be armed at all times; there was always a phaser when you need one. The lights in the observation lounge were out, save for a series of candles placed around the room. The senior staff sat at the conference table, the table's glowing surface had been deactivated. "Everyone, join hands." Jad said as he sat down. "Don't read anything into this." Ben said as he took Vince's hand. "Oh evil spirit." Dan said as he moved his hands over a crystal ball that he'd taken from his quarters. "Tell us why you're here." Nothing. "AHH!" Jad said. "I'm sensing something. A strong spirit!" "Show yourself." Dan said. The models in the display case began to jiggle slightly. Then the replicator sprang to life, shooting a condom into Charlotte's mouth. She coughed it out. "I never thought I'd have to go though that again." "Spirits, if you can hear me, let us know!" Dan beckoned. The door chimed. Everyone looked at Dan, who slowly got up towards the door. It opened. "You order a pizza?" An acne covered youth asked. "No." Dan closed the door. "What do you want?" Ensign O'Connell said in a deep voice. "It's the demon." Dan said. "Why are you here?" Jad said to the ensign. "You released me." O'Connell said. "Well go back!" "No, I like it here." "Well at least leave Charlotte and Emily!" Dan pleaded. "Fine." Charlotte and Emily suddenly let out a loud grunt, then fell to the floor. "Now what?" Dr. Issac asked. "Now..." O'Connell began to move towards Jad. "You shall join us." Jad drew his phaser and shot O'Connell at full power, vaporizing her. "I don't think so. At least now your husband can be with Lieutenant Dawson carefree now." "Why did you vaporize her?" Brian asked. "I don't sense the spirit anymore." Jad said. "And besides, it's not like she'll be missed. Everyone else thinks she's dead, anyway." Jad shrugged. "Good point." Brian said. "Lights." The lights came back to normal. "Are you okay?" Dan walked over to Emily as everyone else filed out. "I'm fine." Emily said weakly. "But I have a really sore throat from all that rasping." Dan smiled as he helped Emily up and walked her out of the observation lounge.