Star Traks: Banshee "Basic Survival Instincts" By Brad Dusen "We should arrive at the Banshee in two days, seven hours." Dr. Liz Lang said to her companion, Commander DiSanto as the two sat in the cabin of the shuttlecraft Sullivan. "Uh huh." Vince said blankly from the aft section of the shuttle. "This could be a long trip." Liz muttered. She glanced over to Vince, seeing that he was holding a PADD. "What are you working on?" "Oh, nothing." Vince shielded the PADD from Liz's sight. Liz quickly swiped the PADD and started reading it. "The dewdrops sparkle in the sun, as it rises from the horizon." She paused. "This is a poem?" "Yeah." Vince said softly. "This is good." Liz smiled as she read more of it. "I didn't know that you could do poetry." "There are a lot of things you don't know about me." Vince said. "Not THAT many things..." Liz mumbled. "What is it with you people!?" Vince asked, almost sounding enraged. "What is what?" Liz was confused. "You people all think I'm gay!" Vince said. "Vince, it's perfectly acceptable in today's society. This isn't a time when you had to hide in the closet to escape hatred." "But I'm not gay!" Vince said. "Vince, denying it only hurts you." She said softly, almost comfortingly. "But I'm not. Why do you people think that!?" Vince groaned. "Well, I've known you for a year and a half now, and I've never seen you with a woman, not even a date." "You don't date." Vince retorted. "That's because I have 'selective taste' in my men." Liz replied. "That and all their hitting on me gets irritating. But you... you miss some of the subtle hints that I've seen women send you when they talk to you." "Like what?" "Two days before we went on this mission to deliver that industrial replicator to Starbase zeta seven four, you were talking to Ensign Hackett in the Twilight Zone. She was flirting with you like crazy and you didn't even respond." "I just didn't like her." Vince protested. "Yeah, you didn't like her because you like men instead." "Well do you want to know why I don't date?" "Sure, I like tall tales." Liz smiled as she settled into her chair in the cockpit. "Back when I was stationed aboard the Rameses, I was involved with this woman named Lieutenant Amy Fulton. We were involved in a very serious relationship and I thought that she was 'the one.' I was wrong. I caught her in the mess hall, making out with some prettyboy from security who happened to be my best friend. What was worse, my quarters were right below there's, so I could hear them having hot, passionate sex every night." Liz paused. "That's still no excuse." She said. "Well, at least I felt some justice when I found them dead after the Rameses crashed, two years later." Vince let out a faint smile. "Vince, that was three and a half years ago, it's time to move on." Vince paused. "Maybe you're right. It would be nice not to have Emily make a cross out of her fingers and yell 'sodomite!' every time I pass her in the halls." Before Liz could respond, the Sullivan rocked violently, pitching hard to one side. "Report!" She asked as she and Vince climbled into the two pilot's seats. "A small asteroid has impacted the starboard engine nacelle." The computer said. "Our engine core is overloading. We have to get out of here." Vince said. "I'm detecting a planet barely within transporter range. It's class M, but extremely cold. Veejo IX." "We have no choice." Liz staggered and picked up an emergency supply kit. "Computer, prepare to beam us to the planet." Vince said as he stood beneath the escape transporter. "Send a distress call to the Banshee or any other Federation ship within range, instructing them to go to Veejo IX." "Message sent." "Energize." Liz and Vince materialized in a grassy patch coated with a light dusting of snow. They looked up into the sky and saw a flash as the Sullivan exploded. "This is j-just great." Liz shivered as she looked around and held herself to keep in heat. Her breath fogged in the bitter cold air. Vince opened the supply kit. "We should have taken our enviromental suits." Vince said. "T-they could keep us warm long enough for the Banshee to get here." Provided they even get the message." Vince said pessimistically. "T-thanks for that v-vote of conf-fidence." "You'll need all the confidence you can get." Vince looked down at his tricorder. "Because there's a blizzard moving in through here and unless we can find shelter, you're going to be a lot colder." "S-swell." Liz shivered. "Strike!" Axik jumped up into the air as her bowling ball knocked down all the pins in the Banshee's bowling alley. "Great." Dave said unenthusiastically as the computer posted Axik's ass-kicking score on the display. "How can we be sure that you're just not rigging the interial dampers to knock down all the pins?" He walked up on his artificial foot, his last one having been dissolved by plasma coolant a week ago. "Because that's something you would do, not me." Axik said innocently. Charlotte stood up and picked up her ball. She was a beginner, so Dave and Axik promised to go easy on her. "Okay, Commander, now don't let go until..." Dave was cut off as Charlotte threw the ball forward, not letting go and went sliding down the lane. "AHHH!" Charlotte screamed as she knocked down all ten pins. Dave and Axik stood up and applauded. Axik abruptly stopped. "Commander, exactly where does that go?" Dave paused. "Computer, shut down the pin machines on lane fourty-seven!" "Help me!" Charlotte screamed, "I'm stuck in here!" She hung upside down in the bowling pin changers. "Axik to bridge." Axik hit her com-badge. "Rachow here." Ben said. "We have a slight problem. Charlotte's caught in the bowling pin changers in the bowling alley on deck five." "I'll get the champagne." Ben said happily. "Actually, I need to get a work crew. This could be a problem." Axik said. "Until we get her out, we can't finish our game!" "Ooh, poor you." Ben said. "I'll send someone down." "It looked so easy when I saw it on the holovision." Vince said as he looked down with dissatisfaction at his attempt to construct an igloo. "V-vince, w-we h-have to h-hurr-r-ry." Liz shivered as a bitter wind raced past them. "The w-wind's not that bad!" Vince said. The wind picked up again, blowing snow off a nearby snowbank and frosting Vince. "I s-stand corrected." "There has got to be some place to find shelter." Liz looked around. "Well there are s-some caves ab-bout half a kilometer from here." Vince looked down at his tri- corder. "We c-could at least es-scape th-the wind." "We'd b-better go." Liz said, helping Vince up. The two began making their way towards the caves. They passed through a snow covered field when they heard a loud snap. The loose, thin, brittle rock beneath them gave way, sending Vince and Liz hurtling into a dark pit. "Uggg..." Liz looked up as she looked up. "Vince..." Vince was laying motionless. "Vince, p-please, wake up!" She said frantically. "D-don't do this, n-not now!" Liz quickly spotted the emergency supply pack which had also fallen into the chasm. She ran the tricorder over Vince. "Come on, w-wake up." She removed the hypospray and injected Vince with a stimulant. "Uhhhhh..." Vince groaned, finally stirring. "Thank G-god." Liz sighed. Vince looked up, his vision blurred slightly from the fall. He saw a beautiful woman with golden blond hair standing before him, bathed in pure white light. "Are you an angel?" He asked groggily. "Yes, Vince, I'm an angel." Liz said. "All angels g-get trapped in pits with useless, wimpy tactical officers." Liz turned and looked towards the chasm's opening, the source of the 'pure white light' Vince had seen. "And c-can't get out." Vince struggled to get up. "Stay there." Liz said. "That's a pretty nasty bump on the head and I don't think you should be moving." Vince leaned back against the rock face, groaning in pain. "We have to f-figure out how to get out of h-here." Liz said. "There's no way we can survive down here. Before we know it, this chasm will be filled with snow and w-we'll suffocate." "Swell." Vince said weakly. "At least then my head won't hurt." "Hold still!" Dave snapped as he fiddled with the laser torch. "Oww, that burns!" Charlotte snapped, her neck and arms caught in a series of machines. "Oops." Dave said. "Now explain to me just how this happened?" Carn asked. "Charlotte didn't let go of the ball." Axik said. "Somebody help me!" Charlotte whined. "I don't want to die in here!" "The rest of the crew would not seem to share your opinion." Carn said. "In fact they would seem to support the opposite." "Hello Commander." Emily smiled as she walked towards the imprisoned Charlotte. "I'm hear to comfort you in a time of need." "God hates me, doesn't he?" Charlotte asked. "Yes." Emily said cockily. "Perhaps I'll start by reading a few helpful scriptures." Emily sat down and opened a copy of the Bible. "I think I'll take my lunch break now." Dave said as he deactivated the laser torch. "Yeah, us too." Axik said. Everyone piled out of the bowling alley. Emily began reading "'In the beginning, when God created the Earth...'" "WHY!?" Charlotte bellowed. "It gets to that part later." Emily snapped. "My god, it's cold." Liz said as she slumped in the cave next to Vince. "What do you expect?" Vince asked. "A tropical paradise?" "Couldn't hurt." Liz said. Vince sighed, shivering constantly. "I just want to go home." "Y-you think I d-don't?" Liz stuttered. "That I don't miss the Banshee's warmth, being able to slip into a jakuzzi and let the hot water relax my worries away." She smirked. "The only bad thing is that some guy always asks if they can join me." Vince nodded. "I have the same problem." "I n-never thought that I'd ac-ctually miss that ship." Liz said. "But I-I also never knew how helpless we are without it." "Well I g-guess we've found out." Vince said. "And to think, we'll have to face the afterlife... again." "But th-this time, as they said, they won't be sending us b-back." Liz said. "Funny, we've survived so much, the Dominion, the Borg, the Vorans, the Voran's hormones... I never thought it would end like this." "We're not finished, not yet." Vince stuttered. "Speak for yourself." Liz said unhappily. "I lost all feeling in my hands and feed an hour ago. "Dr. Issac can fix them as soon as we get back." Vince said comfortingly. "Until then, maybe we should just hold each other for warmth." Liz and Vince crawled into the corner together, holding each other tightly, not wanting to let any heat escape. "I just know that we're not going to see the ship again." She said. "And that we'll die here, on this icy, frozen planet." "Liz, don't start..." Vince was too late. Tears rolled down Liz's cheeks. "Hurry, wipe them up." He said. "Why?" Liz asked. She blinked, but couldn't open her eyes. "Uh oh." "You froze your eyelids shut." Vince said. "Not on purpose!" Liz protested. "Uh huh, sure." Vince said. "Well now what!?" Liz asked. "My eyelids are frozen shut and I'm stuck down here with a wimpy gay man!" Liz suddenly paused. "No, Vince, I didn't mean it like that." "Then what did you mean?" Vince asked. "Do you know how much that hurts every time someone says that?" He felt it coming on, but before he could resist, the tears flowed and his eyelids froze shut. "God damn it!" "And now we begin the book of Revelation, the last section of the Bible." Emily said. "Yay." Charlotte groaned, having lost track of time as Emily read through the entire book. "But then I think I'll just start again with the Book of Mormon." Emily sneered. "Computer, activate pin changers in lane fourty- seven." Charlotte said. "Unable to comply, there is someone in those changers." The computer said. "Damn you!" "Okay, so neither of us can see, that can't be that much of a problem, can it?" Liz asked nervously. "Well what if I did this?" He asked. "Where's your face?" He began feeling around until he found an extrusion on Liz's body." "Hey, that's not my face!" Liz protested." "Oops." "That's my face." Liz said. "Okay, here goes." Vince moved his mouth close to Liz's eyes and blew his hot breath, melting the ice. Liz opened her eyes. "Oh thank god!" She said, relieved. She proceeded to do the same for Vince. "Thank you." Vince said. "God it's cold." Liz said, her teeth chattering. "I can't take much more of this." "You can't die, Liz." Vince said. "And why not?" "Because I don't want to be alone." Vince said. "And I'll do everything in my power to keep us alive." "Provided that you HAD the power to keep us alive." Liz said. "Face it, Vince, we're going to die in here!" "No, we can't die. Fate protects people like us. For some odd reason, we're kept alive if just for the sole reason that we can be put in even worse situation in the future." "You're just being paranoid." Liz said. A bitter downdraft came down the hole, chilling the two to the bone. "Vince, I'm not going to make it." Liz said. "I've always had a dream that I might die in a man's arms, but somehow you weren't the man I pictured." "Hey!" Vince protested. "Look, Vince, I just wanted to tell you that you've been a really good friend, and I hope that you can survive long enough for us to be rescued." "We're not finished yet." Vince protested. "We have to hang on!" "Unless you can think of a way to heat each other up, I suggest we prepare for the end!" Vince looked at Liz. "I can think of a way." Liz paused. "But you're..." She paused. "Aren't you?" "Think of this as a way to prove it and survive at the same time." Vince said. "I'll just think of it as survival." Liz said. "Either way..." Vince smiled as the two embraced tighter. Commander Rachow sat in the command chair on the Banshee's bridge. The captains were nowhere in sight. "Sir, we're being hailed by the USS Secondprize." Rayhan said from Ops. "On screen." Ben stood up. "I'm Commander Ben Rachow in temporary command of the Banshee." "I'm Captain Rydell." Rydell said. "We have picked up a distress call from one of your shuttlecraft directing us to Veejo IX." "That must be Dr. Lang and the queer." Ben said. "Commander, that is inappropriate talk." Rayhan said. "Shut up!" Ben snapped. "Did you rescue them?" "No." Rydell said. "Why not?" Rydell shrugged. "We didn't feel like it. Secondprize out." "Rayhan, set a course for Veejo IX, maximum warp." "Course laid in." "Engage." The Banshee warped off. "Get me out of here!" Charlotte bellowed. "We're working on it!" Dave said. "I can't help it that Emily wanted to read every Christian scripture available." Charlotte squirmed in the machinery. "This is the most embarrassing position I've ever been in!" She screamed. Carn chimed up, "I would imagine that the most embarrassing position you have ever been in would have been aboard the USS Cygnet when you got your tounge stuck to a rod chilled with coolant." "Shut up!" "Yes, that was g-good, but it won't keep us alive." Liz said, shivering heavily with frost forming in her hair and eyebrows. "Well, at least one p-person knows I'm not gay." Vince said despairingly. "I j-just hope that we're found after we die, so that we're not left on this god forsaken world forever." "At least we won't d-die alone." Liz said. Vince and Liz looked at each other and smiled, then close their eyes and were embraced by darkness. "Oww!!" Charlotte screamed. "You did that on purpose!" "I assure you that no pain was intended during my attempt to free you." Carn said. "Well don't do that again." "Yeah." Dave said as he walked up to the two. "You're supposed to let me do that!" "My apologies, Commander." Carn said. "Wait, I think I have an idea." "What?" Dave asked as Carn walked up to the other end of the alley. "Carn, what are you doing?" Charlotte asked as Carn picked up a bowling ball. "Commander Riley, stand clear, please." Carn called. "Commander Burns, this might sting at first." Carn threw the ball down the alley on a collision course for Charlotte's head. "Carn..." Charlotte shouted as the ball sped towards her. "OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" The ball fell in and the machine started, dropping Charlotte to the floor. "Doctor..." A voice called out. Liz opened her eyes to see a bright light. "Where..?" She shot up. "Calm down, Dr. Lang." Liz looked down and saw Dr. Brian Issac standing beside her. "You're safe." "What about Vince?" "He's fine, too. You've both been treated for severe frostbite and hypothermia." Brian said. "Just don't move around too much, your body hasn't fully recovered yet." He walked away. Vince walked up to Liz. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "Better than I was before I passed out." Liz said. "Look, Liz, about what happened. I understand that you were dying and we had to save our lives, so I'll understand if you deny that it happened." "I'm not ashamed of what we did." Liz said. "And I now believe you when you say you're straight." "At least one person does." Vince said. "Come on, I'll take you out for the hottest thing we can eat." "Sounds good." Liz said as she hopped off the medical bed. "But first I need to stop by the bridge and report the Sullivan's destruction." Carn and Dave walked into sickbay as Vince and Liz left. They held up Charlotte, who was talking incoherently. "What happened to her?" Brian asked as he walked in from his officer. "Carn threw a bowling ball at her head." Dave explained. "Makes sense." Brian said as he helped Charlotte up on the main bed. The turbolift stopped at the bridge. Liz and Vince emerged. "We will need a replacement shuttle, the Sullivan was destroyed." She said to Velorn. "Very well." Velorn said. "Hey fruit." Ben said to Vince. "He's not gay, Ben." Liz said. "Trust me." She smiled. As Liz got back on the turbolift with Vince's arm wrapped around her, Ben's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "No way." "It would appear that our assumptions about Commander DiSanto were incorrect." Velorn said. "I'll say." Ben gasped. NEXT: A mysterious computer virus is driving the Banshee's systems insane in "Shatterframe."